March 19

Today we start for home. Home. I love that word. When I was little and would go to spend the night with friends  I would almost always get homesick and call my parents to come and pick me up. It's a good thing that both my best friends lived in my neighborhood, otherwise I would have never gone anywhere! I love going to new places, but I also love coming home. For all that I talk about moving out, I know that when I do it's going to be really hard for me. I love my family and I love hanging out with them. I've really missed them on this trip, which is funny because I didn't miss them AT ALL when I went to Uganda. I think it's because this trip has been so hard. We were talking about it last night as a group. There's such spiritual oppression here and it just feels like a constant pressure, a feeling of not belonging. I woke up at three this morning feeling very uncomfortable. It didn't feel like a spiritual attack, just a feeling of being out of place. Besides that, there was a horribly foul smell coming into our room, I think from the AC so I just had a hard time going back to sleep. I ended up just listening to praise music until I could drop off. This morning as I was thinking about it, I realized just how totally surrounded by evil we are here. Every building, restaurant, store and car has at least one idol. It's impossible for us, as Americans with money, to not be the cause of idol worship or prayers. Every meal we eat, place we stay, thing we buy, or place we go, people pray that we will buy something, or praise their gods when we do. The second you hand money to someone, they kiss it and bless it. It's not possible to come to this country and avoid this. I realize that the reason that I have wanted to go home from the second I got here is because I am not welcomed here by the ruler of this land. Satan hates us being here, helping people he wants to claim, and he wants us to leave. He's angry that he can't stop what we are doing. Despite how we feel, God is going to use these woman we teach to magnify Him. The God we serve is mighty and faithful, therefore we have power in Him. Paster James said something the other day which really struck me and stayed with me. He said, so many people here convert because of miracles. As new Christians, when they are told of Gods power, and that Jesus is a healer, they believe it without question. It's what they know of God. As a result, their faith in God and the miracles of His power are so strong, that the healing and miracles continue. Yet, he said, the older Christians have more doubt so healing doesn't always happen when they pray. What a profound and saddening truth. It's not the power of God that lacks, but the faith of his followers.