Monday, December 27, 2010

Doctors: Useless Waste of Money or Heroic Life Savers?

If you know my family very well, or if you know my mom at all, it should come as no surprise to you that I have only had a handful of doctors appointments in the 22 years I have been alive. I have NEVER had a good experience in a doctors office. Now, you might argue that no one ever has fun during a doctors appointment. However, I will respond to that with this; I have never been helped by a doctor in any way, shape or form.

My first experience with a physician occurred, or didn't occur, at the time of my birth. You see, no one believed my mom knew what she was talking about when she was shouting that she was in transition  down the hospital hallway. The nurse had to actually see the top of my head before she even believed that my mom was pregnant, therefore, the doctor barely made it in time to help me into this world.

That should have tipped me off. I should have just know from that point on that no doctor would ever try to actually help me.

As a child, I had very few check-ups. However, if something was really wrong my mom was not completely opposed to checking with a doctor to making sure I wasn't on the brink of death.  I wish she would have just let me die.

I was six, or seven, or maybe eight years old. I don't even really remember what was wrong, I just remember not being able to walk and having to stay in bed forever. So my mom decided to take me to the doctor. Dr. Jacobson A.K.A. Dr. Hateful Jerk. Now if my mom took one of us to the doctor, it meant we all had to go to the doctor. So when Dr. HJ came in to see me, he was also greeted by Mom, Mary, Tj, Amy and Emily (possibly Cody as well, depending on what my actual age was). Now, I was a very modest and shy little girl. I didn't even like to look at strangers, let alone talk to them. Did Doc. HJ care about that? Nope. He made me take my clothes off. I had never been so humiliated in my life. Standing in the doctors office naked, being poked and prodded, while my entire family watched. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Tj laughed! Ooooh, it still makes me so mad! People who think that stuff doesn't matter to children are stupid. You should never make a child do something that a grown-up would be humiliated to do (Mom!).

That was when I first began to HATE doctors, mostly male doctors. I played make believe games about doctors torturing me. I actually remember laying on my back in the hallway, kicking my feet and screaming "Doctor no!" That was when I kicked a tack off the wall, it fell into my mouth, and I swallowed it. After being rushed to the hospital, the doctors informed my parents that they could either do a surgery that might kill me, or just wait till I "passed" it on my own. Thus began the daily toilet search. I couldn't flush until my parents had inspected the toilet. This was both traumatizing and confusing...

Then there was the time I thought I broke my foot...I was hyped up about getting to wear a cast, use crutches, and miss work/school. Only to be told I had a small fracture. So I was sent home so heal on my own...That foot still bothers me.

Then, I had a nice long break from doctors. Years of bliss, spent enjoying youth and health with no fears of the dreaded "white coats".

Then suddenly, in February of 2009, all that changed. On arriving home from Uganda, I became deathly ill with a mysterious disease.

A strep like rash, covering my entire body from head to toe. (It was the worst on my hands and feet.) Extreme pain and constant itchiness.
Swollen in every joint in my body was swollen. Shoulders, elbows, wrists, fingers, hips, knees, ankles, toes. You have never felt true pain until you have swollen, itchy elbows.

Everyday, the swelling and the itching increased. After four days, my mom took me to urgent care. This should be a hint as to how worried she was. The doctor who saw me tested me for scarlet fever, but really had no idea what was wrong. She advised to me see my regular doctor as soon as possible.  So we made a appointment and I somehow managed not to die while waiting for my appointment. Well, Monday morning rolled around and I woke up in seemingly perfect health. Slightly embarrassed, I went in to meet my "regular" for the first time. His response? "Well, you were sick." Oh great, thanks for the help useless man doctor.

Although the rash and swelling went away, I never felt like I went back to normal. From that point on, my immune system has been really weak. I get sick every few months, and not just sick, but really really sick. After a year, I finally started to improve. Then in April I went to India for two weeks.

It might have been a result of eating curry spiced mystery meat, not being able to breath, having the worst motion-sickness of my life, or walking along a beach dotted with human excrement, but when I got home, I was sick for months. Let's just stomach hurt.  Once again, I went to the doctor. A new one, this time a woman. I had high hopes that she might actually be able to help me, however I was again disappointed. Her response? "It's because your getting older". Oh right, now that I have reached the mature age of 22, my body can no longer properly digest food. That makes perfect sense.

So I swore off doctors for good. Until recently when I once again became ill.
Symptoms: Horrible hacking cough, snotty nose, and a reoccurring fever.

I've been sick for over two week now, and there's still no end in sight. So when my mom once again suggested I go to the doctor, I swallowed my pride and hoped for the best. What did she say "Well, sweetie everyone wants to be healthy for the holidays. You can take some amoxicillin, but honey, if you have a virus it won't help you at all." Ok great,  thanks for nothing.

What do doctors even go to school for anyway? 
Apparently, a licence to call everyone honey...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Do You Like Chicken? Well, Grab A Wing and Come On!

Now I know that it is a little early to be talking about this year ending, I mean we still have 22 days left of 2010 and I am sure I still have much to learn before the new year dawns. However, I am feeling nostalgic this morning so I don't really care that it's too early. Therefore I present to you....

Life Lessons of 2010:

1. It is possible to live without my owning a car. Car pooling can be frustrating, but it also creates extra time with family. An extra ten minutes with someone everyday can be really nice!

2. In India I learned that trusting and obeying Christ has nothing to do with personal comfort. I learned sometimes the most beautiful things are surrounded by filth. India is a place of darkness, but it houses some of the most amazing servants of Christ. It was in India that I first began to desire to really study the bible. I was placed in a position of respect and awe by some of the most amazing people I have ever met and I have never felt so undeserving of anything in my life. I long to become worthy of that respect. I also learned that I love garlic na-an and I hate curry, and that ice cream and hard boiled eggs are not the same in every country and should be ordered with caution.

3. Apparently my mom is a foxy babe. Everywhere I have ever gone with just my mom I have had to endure everyone telling her how young she looks and hear people gush about how she doesn't look like she could be the mother of eight. I resent this. She is the mother of eight, and she looks like it to me! She is the only mother I have had and I resent people telling her she doesn't look right for the part. Alfie's (our friend on the flight home from India) infatuation with her really made me feel old... Well, Mr. Alfred German/Furniture mom IS a party, but one that you'll never be invited too!

4. I love to write! Maybe someday I will write a book.

5. I learned that having alone time is necessary to my mental health. People watching, reading, walks and just sitting quietly are wonderful pastimes. Eating out alone is just as fun as eating out with a friend.

6. It may have taken me 22 years, but I finally discovered mornings. I never new how wonderful the morning time can be, with the proper amount of sleep of course...

7. I remembered that I love school, but don't get good grades because I hate homework. Watching people run to class is always funny. Conversations with fellow students are great inspiration for funny blogs.

8. I realized the hopelessness of people all around me. I don't have to go to another country to be a missionary, there are people who are searching for something to fill the void that only the Lord can fill. I've learned there is more to being a Christian than just being an example. That being a light to the world involves so much for than simply treating people with respect. That showing someone Christ through lifestyle is not enough. This year I woke up to the reality that most of the people around me are headed to a eternal hell and that I know the way to escape, yet I hesitate to help.

9. College students selling magazine subscriptions are way too aggressive. When I say I don't have money to help send you on a European tour, I'm not lying. I don't hate the dying children at Phoenix Children's Hospital, but I don't see how a magazine is going to make that big of a difference in their lives.

10. I learned the necessity of coffee. I went from a coffee hater to an addict. I mostly blame early morning work events and my so called friend, Tracey.

11. I learned some new pick up lines, courtesy of Josh:
You dropped your smile.
Do you like chicken? Well grab a wing and come on!
You like to cook? I love to eat!
Bible college? Well, my name is Joshua David Matthews..all very strong bible men.

12. I've finally gotten to the point where I really don't feel the need to impress anyone. If I don't want to wash my hair, I don't. If I want to take a nap in the grass at school, I do. I repeat outfits. I say what I think. I sing loud and out of tune. It's nice.

13. Perms are better in theory.

14. And most importantly I've learned that God is in control. No matter how hard I try to take over, control or plan my life I never will succeed. The theme of this blog pretty much sums up this entire year.

Jeremiah 29:11
 For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

15. Yes, God knows the plans He has for ME. That's good enough.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Denny's: Cocky or Not?

Ask me anything...but be careful. It might be inspiration for a blog post.

Someone once stated "You Denny's are cocky about being Denny's." I have to say "someone" because the the poor sucker who said this didn't have the guts to reveal his identity. I can't imagine why...

Well this forced me to ask myself the question "ARE Denny's cocky about being Denny's?"

Good things about Denny's:
We're funny.
We're Hospitable. 
We (most of us) Love Jesus. 
We're funny. 
There's lots of us. 
We're a pretty good looking bunch. 
We love to eat. 
We love to laugh. 
We're funny. 
We stick together (except when we don't). 
We amazing snugglers. 
We're stylish. 
We're funny. 
We're talented. 
We know how to throw a party. 
and...We're funny. 

Bad things about Denny's:
We have big heads.
We are critical.  
We're crude. 
We're vulgar. 
We like to eat. 
We're funny at the expense of others. 
We have big heads. 
We have bad, and I mean BAD tempers.

Now, if your not a Denny, you look at these lists and think...."Ok, they have good and bad qualities. Like anyone." But, if you are a Denny you look at this list and think "Hey, why are all those great traits listed on the bad list? Those are all good things!" For instance...Big Heads. Our abnormally huge craniums are the inspiration for so many good jokes. Large head jokes never get old.
So funny = good trait.  That pretty much destroys the bad list...
We may be critical, but out criticisms are almost always funny. We're crudely funny, vulgarly funny, hugely funny, even when we make you cry you have to laugh because we are hatefully funny. 

So are we cocky? It's possible. Actually, YES we are cocky. Definitely...but are we cocky ABOUT being Denny's?

I don't think so. At least, I'm not.

As I replied to Mister DennyFamily-Hater, I wouldn't say cocky. I would say proud. We're not a perfect family and there's not one person who would deny that (at least no one would seriously deny it). But we love each other, support each other, and really have fun together. Not many people can say that about their families, let alone their extended families. So yes, I am proud to be a Denny.