It's time for: A Molehill is a Mountain if You're Small and I feel Small.

Well, I actually don't feel small anymore...but I decided to blog about the hard things now. Not that the good parts of being here aren't amazing anymore, because they totally are...but I think everyone likes to see some realness. Everyone knows it's not all good, all the time, so I decided to fill you in on the -not so good- times.

But actually, before you could understand the bad, I think you have to have one more look at the AMAZING. Last weekend I went with a small group of girls to the city of Egar, its was about a four hour drive from Vajta. All the girls on the team where amazing and we just had a wonderful time of fellowship. Honestly, it felt more like a vacation than an outreach because it was so fun. (Life lesson here: ministry doesn't have to be hard! It can be fun serving God!) 

 

 

 

 
 

 

So here you see...AMAZING weekend. But, part of the problem with these awesome times is the fact that sooner or later, we have to come back to reality. And the reality in bible college is homework: five hours of language study, 2000 word research papers, dorm cleaning, cometaries, devotions, book reports, mp3 sermons, housekeeping, prayer meetings and mealtimes. I wrote a update email to my prayer team and someone responded that it was good to hear that I wasn't just on a extended vacation. That's when I realized that perhaps I have been only reporting the good and not the hard. The problem is, even when it's hard, I know that everything I do has a purpose. I am learning...but it's the process of continually taking new things in, constantly learning, growing, and being convicted...well honestly, it's exhausting!  Amazing, yes, but also hard. It's the same with the fellowship. It's amazing to hangout and pray together and for each other, but sometimes I want to be alone (I am really learning to value my toilet cleaning times). The point is this...I don't want everyone to simply think that I am living in Europe and having the experience of a lifetime. Is that true? Absolutely! However, it's not why I am here. I am here to learn, to grow, to be challenged, and most importantly to be equipped so serve in ministry.  Honestly, I have no idea where God is calling me to go. For now, I am called to be here, so here I must be. What I am beginning to realize is this; I can no longer be satisfied sitting on the sidelines watching people walk down the road that leads to hell. I want to be standing in the middle of the path, with my arms and legs spread out trying to block the road. If they choose to walk around me, at least I can say I tried. The scary thing is, I know that I'm not ready to step out onto that path yet. I also know that it would be so easy for me to leave this place and fall right back into my own little world. So that is why I am here...not simply to have an experience...but to be changed.

Most of you know, or maybe you don't, change is hard for me. I hate change! I always have. I've cried on almost every birthday simple because a birthday marks a change. I resist change. Changing that mindset is painful...I even cried in my Spanish class yesterday...full on weeping. Why? Because changing the way I look at letters is hard. I don't want to change...but I have to...because staying the same is worse.