Psalm 46:10

When asked to give an example of how Jesus has appeared to me, I have to smile. I look back over my life and I can see His hand and His presence moving me along. I see a picture of Him directing my steps, even into the midst hard circumstances. Jesus has always been real to me. I remember the first time I ever felt like He answered one of my prayers. I was a little girl, maybe eight or nine year old. My favorite dog, and best friend, Sarah had ran away and been missing for over a day. I remember praying to Jesus, pleading with Him that He bring her home to me. I told God that if Sarah came home, I would tell everyone that He was faithful to answer my prayer. This was the first time I ever attempted to bargain with God. It was also the first time that I fully understood how good Jesus is and how sinful I am. My dog returned, but I was embarrassed to keep my own end of the deal. I remember battling with myself over this for what seemed like an eternity…finally I climbed into my moms and whispered into her ear that I had asked Jesus to lead Sarah back. It was so hard to do, and I expected to feel immediately better, but I remember walking away and still feeling a bit guilty because I didn’t do what Jesus wanted me to do. Looking back on that, I can smile about my little girl ideas of Jesus, but I can also see the tendency in myself to still view Him this way.

For the past two years I battled with the mighty question of “What is Gods will for my life; what does He want me to do?” It was agonizing for me every time my thoughts went that direction because of the immediate reminder was that I wasn’t in the place He had for me yet. I was also tormented by the thought that once I knew, I would run. I knew I was doing the best I could, but I just wanted Jesus to give me a map and a set of directions so I could decide if I was up for the journey. The last few weeks I have sat through more than one sermon about “God’s will” with a beating heart. But I didn’t want to accept the words that I was hearing; words of comfort, peace, love and most of all words of direction. Last Thursday, Don Patten shared with the MPT class. What was his topic? God’s will...of course! I wanted to weep the whole class! Don and Marta have received so many specific directions…God has shown them His will. So why not ME? As I was walking back to the castle, Jesus spoke to my heart. I have not had many instances where I felt the God was speaking to me directly, but this time there was no question that is was from Him. He said, “Callie, right now you are in Hungary at Bible College. That’s where I want you to be. So, be there…and be still.”  

So, I am here and I am resting. Psalm 46:10